Steve Martin is a ludicrously talented human being. He’s a brilliant stand-up comedian, a fine actor, a skilled magician, a masterful humorist (that means he’s funny when he writes), an art collector of tremendous discernment and, above all, an assassin with the banjo. He’s gone from being an entertainment phenomenon best known for singing about King Tut to an entertainment phenomenon best known for making mirth with Martin Short. In between, he wrote and starred in classic comedy films like “The Jerk,” “Dead Men Don’t Wear Plaid,” “The Man with Two Brains,” “Roxanne,” “L.A. Story” and “Bowfinger,” and just plain old acted in “Three Amigos,” “Planes, Trains and Automobiles” “Dirty Rotten Scoundrels,” and “Parenthood.”
Steve Martin is a national treasure (just watch his “STEVE! (martin) a documentary in 2 pieces” documentary on Apple+ if you don’t believe me). He deserves the very best in life. So why, oh why, has he been forced to host the Oscars three times?
You might think it’s an honor to be asked to host the Oscars. It’s not. It’s an honor to be nominated, but to walk out in front of an audience full of gussied up folk either nervous about winning an award or wishing they could be anywhere but one of those narrow-ass Dolby Theatre seats, and try to make them laugh? The list of comedy titans who’ve bombed while hosting the Oscars is short but distinguished: David Letterman, Chris Rock, and Jon Stewart have gone down in flames. When Billy Crystal is your gold standard (and Bob Hope before him), hiring Martin to host the Oscars is like renting a Lamborghini to haul lumber.
But why should I speak for Steve Martin when he’s been quite eloquent about why he’ll never host the Oscars again in his own words?
Steve Martin is so very over the Oscars
In a 2024 interview with the Los Angeles Times, Martin revealed that he was “very nervous” the first two times he emceed the Oscars because he did it solo. When he hosted with Alec Baldwin at his side, he was much more comfortable. “Looking back, I realized, ‘Oh, I had someone else out there with me.'”
If that’s the case, why not just get his new live-comedy partner Martin Short to tag-team the Oscars with him? And, hell, why not throw their “Only Murders in the Building” co-star Selena Gomez into the mix (as offered a few years ago)? According to Martin:
“That represents so much work for us. And we love our summers. When I hosted before, I started working months ahead of time. And now I have a completely different life. I’m not as free. It’s a lot of work and we’re working.”
Another issue for Martin is that the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences are cheap. But, really, it’s about the work. Still, Martin has a joke for the Oscars that he never got to use. Perhaps Conan O’Brien, the comedic genius and late night god who will do his darndest this March to succeed where his peers have stumbled, can use it. Per Martin, “I’ll come out and say, ‘I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, ‘Steve, how did you get to host the Oscars?’ It was easy. I just called my agent and I said, ‘Get me something thankless.'”
Good luck, Conan.
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